it's just not working...

I thought I could do it

I thought I could keep two blogs going

but

since I never really found what I was looking for in this blog

my heart just isn't in it

~~

so today

I say good bye to

my

unmade life

in hopes of finding a very "made" life somewhere else

and

maybe

just maybe

it's where I've been all along

*

thank you

for being along with me on this relatively short ride

~~

everyone of you made it so worth it for me

to at least try

*

hold on...

no matter how hard we try

there will always be bumps in the road

to slow us down

to frustrate us

to question where we're going in the first place

and

sometimes

to make us stop completely and turn around

*

I went anyway...

I saw the no trespassing sign

but I couldn't resist the pull that wished me closer

to what I believe

was once a tiny cottage in a fairy tale

~

when I turned to walk away

the soft flutter of a wing graced my cheek

making me believe even more

*

when you're a boy...

it's good to take a jumping break

after playing in the fields

and

eating donut balls

and

drinking red kool-aid until your lips are permanently stained

and

finding a catepilliar larger than a vienna sausage

all

on a summer day

living softly...but with a voice

"if I had a whole day to do whatever I wanted to do"

~~

wait

"a day to do whatever I wanted"

describes almost every day I've had this summer

so I'm not complaining

but

unfortunately I wasted a few of them doing laundry that could have waited

making phone calls that weren't important

and

watching movies I've already seen

when

I should have been out living a bit more

~~

summer runs away so quickly and I spend hours looking over my shoulder

wondering where it went

when the days start to get shorter

so

for the rest of this summer

I'm going to be living

a bit more openly

a bit louder

and

maybe

even

a bit more wild

~~

because

I'm feeling awake and alive and curious

and

I don't want to miss a thing

*

yes, I know...

just like me

you want one of these

too

~~

a little home where the floor boards squeak

under your feet

when you're up in the middle of the night

for a glass of water

~~

a little home where even when the windows are pinched tightly closed

breezes quietly flutter in

and

land on your cheeks like newly hatched butterflies

~~

a little home where the lamps turned on at dusk

reach out to you like a life preserver

and

bring you home

*