27 August 2009

it's just not working...

I thought I could do it
I thought I could keep two blogs going
but
since I never really found what I was looking for in this blog
my heart just isn't in it
~~
so today
I say good bye to
my
unmade life
in hopes of finding a very "made" life somewhere else
and
maybe
just maybe
it's where I've been all along
*
thank you
for being along with me on this relatively short ride
~~
everyone of you made it so worth it for me
to at least try
*

25 August 2009

hold on...

no matter how hard we try
there will always be bumps in the road
to slow us down
to frustrate us
to question where we're going in the first place
and
sometimes
to make us stop completely and turn around
*

21 August 2009

I went anyway...

I saw the no trespassing sign
but I couldn't resist the pull that wished me closer
to what I believe
was once a tiny cottage in a fairy tale
~
when I turned to walk away
the soft flutter of a wing graced my cheek
making me believe even more
*

15 August 2009

when you're a boy...

it's good to take a jumping break
after playing in the fields
and
eating donut balls
and
drinking red kool-aid until your lips are permanently stained
and
finding a catepilliar larger than a vienna sausage
all
on a summer day

13 August 2009

living softly...but with a voice




alone but not lonely

"if I had a whole day to do whatever I wanted to do"
~~
wait
"a day to do whatever I wanted"
describes almost every day I've had this summer
so I'm not complaining
but
unfortunately I wasted a few of them doing laundry that could have waited
making phone calls that weren't important
and
watching movies I've already seen
when
I should have been out living a bit more
~~
summer runs away so quickly and I spend hours looking over my shoulder
wondering where it went
when the days start to get shorter
so
for the rest of this summer
I'm going to be living
a bit more openly
a bit louder
and
maybe
even
a bit more wild
~~
because
I'm feeling awake and alive and curious
and
I don't want to miss a thing
*

10 August 2009

yes, I know...




a little home for you

just like me
you want one of these
too
~~
a little home where the floor boards squeak
under your feet
when you're up in the middle of the night
for a glass of water
~~
a little home where even when the windows are pinched tightly closed
breezes quietly flutter in
and
land on your cheeks like newly hatched butterflies
~~
a little home where the lamps turned on at dusk
reach out to you like a life preserver
and
bring you home
*

08 August 2009

mostly weeds...



mostly weeds

so often there is beauty surrounding us
almost blinding us
yet
we don't see it
~~
why do we point over there and say
"oh, that's so beautiful"
when
everything right next to it is just as beautiful
yet we don't see it
we don't even notice it
~~
today
and
tomorrow
at least
let's look at everything with fresh eyes
and
be blinded
by
the beauty we breathe in everyday
*

04 August 2009

I need a can of black spray paint...

quite often
the writing on the wall is all you need
~go over us and we will get up again~
kind of powerful
don't you think
?

03 August 2009

a month ago, already....

a month ago today I was standing on the top of pike's peak
and
visiting the olympic training center
~~
so
what happened
where did it go
?
you'd think I would have noticed
something passing in front of me as quickly as these past four weeks have
~~
I think it's time for me to start appreciating the days better than I do
which can only mean one think
~less blinking of course~
*

01 August 2009

someday....

when I have a house near the beach
with a kitchen large enough to hold a ten foot chalkboard
where a chalky note
reads
"the chef has taken an indefinite leave of absence"
you'll find
me riding me around on this
and
the precious cargo will be towels, sunscreen and a good book
~~
want to join me
?
~~~~~
I was instantly in love with it when I saw it
on the blog
that has given me more inspiration over the past year than any other
~~
it's the story of nie
and
her family
and
how she is surviving
after almost dying
~in a horrific plane crash with her husband~
~~
the surgeries, the skin grafts, the pain
the pain
of not being able to hold her children who didn't recognize her for a long time
the pain
of moving her body
the pain
of not wanting to look at herself in the mirror
the pain
from just breathing somedays
and
then there's the love
~~
a love
like nothing you've ever seen before
~~
so when I have a tough day
it's easy to go here and remind myself that things aren't so bad after all
*

28 July 2009

sometimes it's too loud to sleep...

I think it's time to start listening
a
bit
closer
*

27 July 2009

my weekend ?

yep
pretty much like this most of the time

just us

john had to leave today
and
I didn't want to be sad
as that would just be stupid on my part since this is hard enough for both of us
so
while we were eating breakfast
I grabbed my little point and shoot
and
started playing
which made us both laugh
and
for a minute we forgot that in the next hour
he'd be leaving

xo

23 July 2009

breast cancer awareness...

I'm a fan of
"so you think you can dance"
and
last night it brought it me to tears
along
with the judges and the rest of the viewers
after watching
by
melissa and ade
{two of my favorites}
which was
chorographed by tyce
all
for breast cancer awareness
~~
it represents
the struggle and the fight and the emotions and the pain
a woman goes through
~along with her partner~
while trying to win the war against this ugly disease
~~
I hope that even if you're not a fan of the show
you'll watch this clip
and
love it as much as I did
*

21 July 2009

I needed more storage and it was too wet to go outside and play...

this is a cabinet in my office that houses my
can't.live.without.it.televison
on the top shelf
and
doors on the bottom
that hide all my camera and ipod things like cords and chargers
and
all that other stuff that you can't breathe without
but
has to be stored away because seeing those things out all the time takes years off your life
and
then there are
the dreaded middle shelves that do nothing but ask to be dusted
and
today I told them I'd had it
so I rummaged through my fabric scraps to see if I had anything
large enough to play with that was somewhat pleasing to the eye
because
it was pouring outside and I was too lazy to go to joann's to look for fabric that
would be perfect
~~
maybe you should know that I used to sew all the time
window treatments were my speciality
~just thought I'd throw that in~
~~
so I whipped out my tools
and
cut and ironed away for an hour
~yes...only an hour of my time~
and
now here's a trick I'll share with you because I'm nice that way
~~
I have a great sewing machine that has had years and years of love
but
when I make something simple like this
I use the iron on adhesive strips to make all my hems and the rod pocket
~~
tell me you already know about this amazing stuff and if you don't run now and get yourself some to play with
anyhow
I had one piece of fabric just barely big enough for a rod pocket and hemming
but
its simple amish little house on the prairie look works
for now
and
gives me storage and less dusting
~
really
that's all a girl needs sometimes to make her really happy
*

20 July 2009

I've been playing...

my studio doesn't really recognize me during the summer months
as I tend to occupy that space much more during the dreaded cold winters
here in wisconsin
but
just recently
it's been calling my name as I walk by
a soft whisper
"beth...beth...come play inside"
and
so I did
and
I made a huge mess and loved every minute of it
and
I now I have few "works in progress"
and
as I turned the lights off the other night as I was walking out
I swear I heard
"thank you"
*



18 July 2009

not so hard...

I know I know
I need a little nudge and a poke to make this blog into something
~
something new and different and just more me
but
I'm still at a loss for what that's going to be
~
I need to get my sidebar filled with blog loves
and
add
some pretty flowers and glasses of fresh squeezed lemonade
so that when you do visit
you'll feel right at home
and
never want to leave
~
hey maybe that's it
maybe this blog needs to be a bed and breakfast of sorts
~ala beth~
but
since I don't cook or bake
or eat anything for breakfast except breakfast bars
I'm going to have work on just making sure this space feels as comfortable
as
a bed and breakfast
with down pillows and comforters and slippers for your feet
chocolates on your pillow
and
an amazing view of the park like grounds when you look out your window
~
and
the best part
I'll even make sure you all have your own bathrooms
*

17 July 2009

not my normal...

I don't really ever take photos of the food I eat
but
now that I'm addicted to a salad my sister made for dinner one night
I thought it only fair that I share it with all of you
~~
spinach salad
~~~~
spinach
and
anything else you want to throw in with it
in this case
slivered toasted almonds
craisins
feta cheese
~
dressing
~~~~
6 tbls aged balsamic vinegar
3 tbls honey
2 tbls olive oil
stirred well together
~
mix in the amount of dressing you need based on how much spinach you use
{it's all up to you}
and
refrigerate the rest for later
~~~~~
I'm totally addicted to this salad and have been eating it almost daily now for two weeks which is something I do
as
I'm an "in a food rut" person
~
once I find something I love
I eat it non-stop and really never get tired of it
~~
oh
and
just for fun
the other night
{and a little protein}
I added grilled chicken breast to the above ingredients
whoa
it was amazing
*

15 July 2009

I'm back...

I guess I could have smiled
but I'm still on my
"stay out of the sun"
campaign
which requires me to have a very serious face
while I point my finger at you
~~
today was my
"let's get all those margins clean"
appointment
in which a huge hole was made and all my ugly and bad skin cells were burned away
and
it wasn't fun
~~
my scar will be about 16 inches long
I think
at least that's what it looked like to me when the nurse handed me the mirror
but after laying on my back
smelling my skin being burned and the clicking of the instruments and the pulling and the cutting of the stitches
I could have been mildly delirious and maybe it will only be the inch and a half that it really is
who knows
?
~~
what I do know is that it's just a scar
and
sure it could be ugly
when the dressing comes off and the stitches come out
but while I was waiting for my skin to be numbed I was reading an article about a man and his bladder cancer and then when my procedure was over, I ran to the grocery store and saw a woman my age with a very wide purple scar all the way down the inside of her leg that I guessed to be from a varicose vein removal maybe used to fix her heart
and
then when I came home I talked to my hubby about the meeting that he had to have this morning with the widow of an olympic coach who fell to his death in a horrific climbing accident a few days ago
~~
it's just a scar


13 July 2009

don't get your undies in a bundle...

as I was looking for panties while shopping in marshalls yesterday
all I could think about was holly and her suggestion that maybe this blog be used for things more intimate
about my life
~~
I don't think she meant panties
"butt"
as long as we're here
~
I'm not a fancy panties person
I just buy what feels nice and fits
~
my bras never match my panties
ever
as I'm just not that kind of girl
and
rarely do I even wear a bra
since I live in the tanks from j.jill
with the built in bra for overall comfort and a layer of warmth
on this body of mine which is usually always cold
~
now let's go a little "deeper"
and
talk about thongs
which I do wear when I need them
especially when I'm all dressed up and looking
sexy
and
when panty lines would be very distracting to how great my eyeshadow looks
but
I could never wear them everyday and I rarely wear them with jeans
and
am I "picky" with my thongs
?
YES
I only wear the gilligan & omalley cotton thongs from target
{and no I'm not getting paid for this}
since they always stay right where they started
~
boy shorts don't agree with me at all as they always ride up
and
end up feeling like a bulky sweatshirt found its way to my "butt"
~
anything with ruffles stays on the rack
but
a little lace every now and then is nice
~
personally
I just like to keep my butt covered up most of the time
and
with the high cut leg opening panties you can get that in the back
and
still have a little sexiness up front
which brings me to our men who don't have to deal with any of this
since
they can strut around in their boxers looking all manly like
or
slip on a pair of briefs where their package stays all wrapped up
like a newborn baby
and
never
ever
do they
have to think about anything matching anything else or ruffles or bunching or riding up or scratchy lace or panty lines
instead
all they really have to worry about is how quickly they can take off the panties
we just spent hours shopping for
*

12 July 2009

it's a gem alright...

I'm playing along with georgia today
after she wrote about
little hidden gems
yesterday
the sights and sounds out at our weekend cottage
are the little gems
in my life
that always take my breath away
and
fill my heart with color
*
and
did you read about my two dollar project
?

10 July 2009

on a ledge...

I'm not going anywhere
but
sometimes I dream about all the places I haven't been
and
when I see or hear anything about children and orphanages in haiti or africa or malawi
there's a feeling I get inside
which most people would consider
"a calling"
and
I hear it screaming my name
and
it gets louder and louder
until
I gently push it aside
reminding myself that I'm not quite ready for that yet
~~
but
someday I will be
and
when that day comes
these wings of mine will be ready to fly
*

09 July 2009

sometimes...

all you can do
is tie a rope so perfectly tight
that it grabs ahold of what's most important
and
until you tell it otherwise
~~



07 July 2009

not for everyone...

today
is the memorial service
and
the celebration of life
for michael jackson
~~
not everyone loved him
I'm not even sure I did
but
I do know he made me smile when I heard his songs
and
he made me want to try the moonwalk even if I looked foolish
and
when I hear his music today
I seem to know most of the words even though I never
owned any of his albums
~~
so even though he wasn't for everyone
he was a human being
and
today he will be remembered
*

06 July 2009

I know, I know...more sheep and wire fencing

because
sometimes
you
can never get enough of something that brings you warmth
*

05 July 2009

what are you today ?


"there is only you and your camera"
~
"the limitations in your photography
are in yourself
for what we see
is what we are"
~~
~ haas~
~~~~~
so
I guess today I'm an old garage door
with wild ivy snaking around my neck
which is perfectly alright with me
because
I always get told my eyes are beautiful when I wear green
*

04 July 2009

a year ago today...{EDITED...my links below now work}


I'm not sure I remember how I was feeling
or
who I was
or
what I was doing
~~
but
I do remember writing
as
words poured out of me so quickly
that I struggled to keep them contained in the same room with me
~~
I hadn't really been writing anything that I felt proud of
and
I wasn't even taking any of my own photos
instead
choosing to find some favorites on
flickr
~~
so today
as
an anniversary special
one more time
and
to remind all of my blog loves
that even if you think today isn't worth remembering
write about it
photograph it
and
post it
because
next year at this time
it just might be priceless to you
*

03 July 2009

remember...

the doors
we open and close each day
decide the lives we live
~flora whittemore~
~~~~~
or
in this case
a gate
that's pretty much non-functioning
but looked amazing when I saw it along side the road
which
then somehow
helped this quote
make sense
*

02 July 2009

a blank slate can be kind of scary...

but
a new set of pencils or markers or paints
can
be thrilling
to the point that it awakens all your senses
and
makes you want to run naked
in a field of wild flowers
~
no
?
okay
maybe that's just me
~~~~~
welcome to my new blog
and
NO
I'm not replacing more doors
just adding to it
for no reason other than I had a dream the other night
and
"my unmade life"
came crashing down on me as I rolled around in my "unmade bed"
which is where the "untucked corners" came from
and
when things like that happen
it's for a reason and I've always believed in that whole kind of thing
like karma
only better
and
that if you resist things that present themselves to you openly like that
you'll be struck down by lightning during the next rain storm
and
that would just be an awful way to go
wouldn't it
?
{and hopefully the "post options" will work here on this blog and make my life easier}
~~~~~
so I hope you enjoy your time here
at
my unmade life
where there will surely be some
jumping on the bed
if those corners ever stay tucked in place for very long
~~~~~
~~~~~
lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme
experience
if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the
ceiling
~g.k. chesterton~